Legend of the Chubby

Monday, travel day, the worst travel day.  It would be like any other, but when I arrive I notice old man Alexander is deep in thought- something is amiss.  I don't say a word- could be dangerous.  After all, old man Alexander is very wise, twice my size, and determines my employment.

Noon comes and we ask ourselves the most important question of the day, "What's for lunch?"  Old man Alexander stirs- he knows what's for lunch.  "Do you guys... like burgers?  Have you ever heard of... the chubby?"  I paid attention not to what he said first but last.  The chubby- what could this be?  I ask old man Alexander to tell the legend of old, of the chubby.  He smiles and tells us of the half pound angus burger that lies not in a bun, but grilled cheese- two grilled cheese sandwiches.

This is not the first regional burger of legend I've heard of.  The Texas region is famous for the squealer- a burger composed not only of ground beef, but ground bacon.  A juicy masterpiece indeed.  But the chubby is brilliant.  It mixes two American classic comfort foods into a single epic entity.

Readers beware: the following recipe is not your normal recipe.  It contains thousands of calories in a single serving.  The weak not attempt this- the obese [please] not attempt this.  This is for your resident lumberjack or sponsored child in Africa.  When you ask yourself, "Do I love this person?", and answer "yes," don't prepare it.  I apologize, but there is no feasible way to make this dish suitable for vegetarians.

 Stash's Chubby (yields 2)

• 8 slices [wheat] bread
• 1 lb of 80% lean ground chuck
• 1 block of extra sharp cheddar cheese
• 1 shallot, diced
• 1 tomato, sliced
• pickles
• butter and oil
• cumin
• paprika
• salt
• pepper

1. Mix the shallot with the ground chuck.  Season the chuck to taste with cumin, paprika, salt, and pepper.  Form two half pound patties.  Let sit out at least 20 minutes to come to room temperature.
2. Preheat the broiler.
3. Lay out 4 pieces of bread.  Place slices of cheese on every piece to cover.  Place slices of tomato on two of the slices of bread to cover.  Place slices of pickle on the other two slices of bread to cover.  Salt and pepper the tomato slices.  Cover with the remaining 4 pieces of bread.  Brush on butter if desired.
4. Preheat sauté pans with 2 TBL of oil in each.
5. Line a baking sheet with foil, then place the sandwiches on them.  Broil till brown then flip.  Once both sides are browned, put a foil tent on top and switch the oven from broil to bake at 350.
6. When the grilled cheese go in put the patties on.  Cook to the done-ness of choice
7. Take the sandwiches out, place a beef patty on two of them.  Place the remaining sandwiches on top.
8. Devour, if you dare.

This is a very flexible recipe.  You can flavor the burgers however you want- it won't hurt my feelings.  You can also prepare the grilled cheese sandwiches with American cheese or however else you want.  The reason i did what I did is because even for two chubbies, you need an efficient assembly line for everything to come out warm at the same time.  

The other advantage to the broiler is that you don't need to add butter to the grilled cheese sandwich, albeit saving calories is a lost cause on this dish.  The grilled cheese will cook faster with American cheese, and be even more melty.  The final suggestion is to add bacon.

If you have a husband you're trying to knock off- serve at least once a week.

Behold, my chubby:

I don't care what you say- that is the perfect done-ness for a burger.

Comments

[Aashay Desai]

Your next blog post: How to unclog your arteries with pipe cleaners