Better Than Glitter

Finally.  After much waiting, and anticipation, Padma's new commercial is finally in circulation.  It doesn't fail to showcase what is most important- her.  I think there's something else in it.  I'll have to watch it again.  And again.  Once more for good measure.

Tasted every flavor imaginable?  That's a bold statement.  Maybe Bourdain has, but I don't think he'd ever make that claim.  Zimmern could be close, but I have to think the difference in taste between insects is marginal.

Damnit, missed everything she said after the flavor claim.  Have to watch it again.  Hardees something something burger?  Unexpected from someone who overuses the word 'pedestrian' in their critiques.  But not too surprising since bacon is the single most responsible ingredient in tearing her away from vegetarianism. 

Hardee's, you may have found a crack in the foundation, but I haven't fallen.  Sure, Padma could convince me to lick the sidewalk, but I'm not quite ready for this plunge.  I'm resourceful, and can patch the cracks in the wall.  Going to make my own something western something burger.  And I don't need Padma or a Stetson to do it.

One of the few perks of travelling for a living is I'm exposed to a great deal of regional cuisine.  As a result, when I think of the west and burgers, the squealer comes to mind.  The squealer, is a regional burger that has more than beef in the patty.  This specialty introduces ground bacon into the mix.

Step one of squealer creation is preparing caramelized onions.  Thinly slice an onion, add butter, brown sugar, and balsamic vinegar, then put on low heat.  Done in an hour.  Slightly different than the French Onion Soup preparation, but it still works.  Promise.

Meat grinder (in storage).While the onions are cooking I prepare the burgers.  Since everyone doesn't have an antique meat grinder from Paris, I'll explore alternative techniques for bacon integration.  The easiest approach would be to put non-frozen bacon in a blender, and go nuts for a few seconds.

The only other approach would be to use a sharp chef knife and dice over and over.  No knife?  Scissors could work.

Now it's time to season and shape my bipartisan burger.  Salt, pepper, garlic powder, cumin, and cayenne accompany the ground meats, and my hand.  Like when making meatballs, it's important not to overmix.  I form the patties and lay them out while the onions continue to cook.  It's almost impossible cook a burger to the proper doneness if the meat is still at fridge temp.

To get the full western effect, I'm going to use a cast iron skillet to cook the burgers.  I preheat the oven and skillet together- need to get a great sear on the meat.  The oven is going to be used to finish cooking the burgers.  I don't like covering a pan with burgers on the stove, because the steam generated will cause undesirable results.

Once the skillet is hot, the burgers go on for several minutes on each side.  Next, I pour off excess fat from the skillet, baste the burgers in the barbeque sauce, top with pepper jack cheese, and put into the oven.  The buns go into the toaster.  Pace back and forth for awhile and everything is done.

The buns come out first and onto plates.  Squealers hop on next, and are followed by a waterfall of barbeque sauce, and a mountain of caramelized onions.  Finish with the top of the bun, light some candles, and everything is ready for Padma to come and remove the evidence.

Western Squealer.

In short-

Barbeque Sauce

• 3/4 C White Balsamic Vinegar
• 3/4 C Tomato Puree
• 1/4 C Brown Sugar
• 1 TBL Cumin
• 1 TBL Ground Mustard Seed
• 1 TBL Cayenne
• 1 TBL Granulated Garlic (or Powder)
• Salt and Pepper to taste

1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and stir until smooth.  Let sit at least an hour; preferably overnight.
2. Devour.

Other notes-

• Use the same amount of bacon that you'd normally use for a burger.  So two slices per third pound, or something similar.  
• The sauce will come out thin, which it should be.  Add more tomato puree to thicken, but remember to recheck the seasoning (which may be rough to begin with, since I don't own any spoon measures).
• It's a small detail, but whether you like spicy food or not, get the pepper jack cheese.  The heat adds a contrast to all of the brown sugar, keeping the flavors interesting.
• Bacon or not, the burger is still great!
• Thanks to Grady Spears for inspiring my inner cowboy.

Comments

[greg]

Is she really all that? GREG

[T. Marnell]

You are making me this next time I visit.

[Chef E]

I am speechless...not really...maybe appalled is the word I should use... will be honest, as I always am...I cannot stand her, hated her on Top Chef, and she does not give a rat's small booty about eating at a chain like that...the hamsters in the new kia commercials are far more attractive than her, and can act (okay she was not acting) better than that! The gecko in the car insurance commercials would sell more burgers than she will...

Your post and opinions were far more entertaining...lick the sidewalk...love it...no chain restaurants for me, and no way to chain burgers; they make me sick!

Yours on the other hand...Yum! I inherited my fathers grinder just like yours! He used to make his own sausage after hunting, and just because...

[Stash]

I'd argue that she is many things to the target male audience Greg. I made a comment on the subject a month ago or so on Twitter, which got an immediate aimiable reply from the fat cats. Don't think they've seen their new competition yet though =D

Tom I'd make you (min) three a day, every day you're in town, if that got you across the country.

Lol Chef E I was waiting for that response. I remembered reading your early season comments on the show. Too bad there is just no competing with cute animals these days. And artisan sausage? Sounds fantastic

[Chef E]

One of the reasons I quite watching the show, I hate competitions, and here I am trying to get stupid votes for my 'Peep' photo on the Farro post! Actually I did not feel there were any 'real' talented people...if there are any they would not try out for the show, although I actually watched 'Chopped' episodes and like that...the mystery basket thing is a real competition, and will keep you on your toes...