Another Monday in South Hill means another night at the Cracker Barrel.  While foraging through the old country store, en route to country ham and grits, I am reminded by the overwhelming piles of red and pink animals that the anniversary of Valentinus' beheading is coming up.

He did some decent stuff before being sentenced to death--and was only beheaded because clubs and stones didn't succeed at first--but why women go nuts over it is beyond me.  There are Elvis impersonators in Vegas that do better work.  I'll admit, it's important that the first, the trend setter, is properly credited and glorified.

Unfortunately, there's no convincing women that the day can be overlooked.  We have to celebrate, and we have to do it better than everyone else.  Otherwise, we're terrible cold-hearted people.  To stop such slander, I'm going to offer some advice--which should probably be followed by no one.

Don't count on a good reservation.  Many restaurants started accepting 2/14 reservations weeks ago.  This isn't the end of the world, as putting effort and thought into a homemade meal offers a [potential] higher return.  

Just because Chinese New Year is eclipsing the night doesn't mean cooking from the Far East is a good idea.  If it's not a core competency, don't do it.  Don't order take out either, because it tends to be heavy.  A great [female] advisor always reminds me not to make heavy food for such occasions--nobody wants to be intimate after that.  They want to nap--unbothered.  This also means spaghetti and meatballs is out.  I don't care if it's easy, or that two Disney dogs make it look romantic--avoid spaghetti and meatballs.

I do know several lovely women who eat more than salad, who indulge, and don't mind consuming high volumes of lipids in various forms.  Braising pork belly is acceptable for these rare cases--or even burning a beef fat candle instead of the normal wax fare.  Given what happened to Valentinus, I think testa would be the most appropriate entree, but that isn't for everyone.  At least pretend to know your audience, and the earth will continue to turn.

Outsourcing dessert is a must, at least for those of us who have no baking talent.  Dessert has to be good, not only because it's the final impression of the meal, but it's the last chance to cram an aphrodisiac in--chocolate.  Last I checked, high end cupcakes are still cool.

Remember to pay attention to details, and to have fun.  The night doesn't have to be exclusive either--the best I recall was shared with three ladies back in school--proof that cooking pays well.  Just don't stress out too much, because ultimately, who cares about a guy who lost his head?