For the first time, I'm going to try writing on a plane.  I'm currently on segment four of six this long weekend, and I hope to finish by the final segment, or before my hotel stock and pen run dry.  Given the situation, I had no time to cook this weekend.  Friday, I had a wonderful farewell meal at The Purple Pig with my brother--and a group of young female attorneys who insisted on bowling after (damn having to wake up at 4:30AM on a Saturday)--before leaving for Asheville.  Still debating whether I prefer the pork fried almonds over the Biltmore or not.

Being the only Platinum member on the current flight, I'm struck by the thought of information withholdment--I haven't shared any of my travel expertise with the peanut gallery.  Due to the nature of this venue, I expect the following to only be used for going to far off dining destinations, or events such as Food and Wine in Aspen, an event I'm still seeking companionship for.

Security

The first and most daunting chapter of air travel is getting through security.  For those without status, timing and packing are key.  Monday morning and Thursday evening are two of the busiest times to travel.  This happens because people like me have to get paid.  We start the week on Monday just like everyone else, but somewhere far away.  Because of this, it is best to travel on an off-day, such as Tuesday, to minimize waiting, as well as ticket price (airlines know there will always be high demand on Monday, and passengers generally don't mind since it isn't coming out of their pocket).  

The goal of packing should be so that only one bin is needed at security.  During winter months, this increases to two as everyone has a coat to remove.  This adds to time spent in line--if one million people travel in a given day, which is common around select winter holidays, there are a million more bins to process through security.  Multiply that by the time it takes a TSA agent to pick their nose, and a significant amount of [wasted] time is the result.

To minimize bins required, note that shoes can go straight on the conveyor belt, which is great as they should be at the front of your line of possessions, acting as a divider between you and your predecessor.  If space isn't an issue, I place shoes, my belt, and 3-1-1 bag in this flagship bin.  This is also important, because if I was thoughtless enough to travel with shoes that require tying, the most timely act of reorganization could be tackled first, while the TSA agent figures out whether or not that iNoun is a deadly weapon or not.  

After the flagship bin is placed to mark territory, the laptop goes next (ideally in a butterfly case, so no bin is required), followed by the coat and personal luggage.  This protects the laptop on both ends (I've walked off with the wrong one before), and allows me to don my coat before slinging my luggage over my shoulder, as it wouldn't make sense to do so in reverse.  I also always pack my 3-1-1 bag on top of everything in my luggage bag, and at the end of the zipper so I only have to unzip 4-6 inches to [quickly] remove it and place in the appropriate bin.

Booking

I've never used Priceline or Kayak, but hear they work.  The key for a good price is to book on an off day, to book in advance, or incredibly last minute.  If a flight isn't filled, the price will take an enormous dip the night before and/or day of as a last ditch effort to make more money.  Every flight operates at a fixed cost regardless of the number of passengers on it, so airlines will do their damnedest to fill up.  It's a gamble, but it follows the universal high risk high reward rule of life. 

Remember when booking a flight that there could be the additional cost of checking a bag.  Some airlines charge $25 a bag, whereas others allow the first to be free, and charge $50 for the second.  If two bags are being checked it's irrelevant, but it allows for potential savings.  Also remember, all airlines charge $50 for checked bags exceeding 50 lbs.

There is also a relationship between time of day and flight price.  This is usually based on demand, but it's ideal to fly as early or as late as possible.  Doing so makes sleeping on the plane easier, which makes flying a lot less painless, especially when Made of Honor is the in-flight movie every week.

Finally, if airline status isn't in the picture, book a window seat, and as far back in the plane as possible to get the best seating section.  It's most efficient to fill a plane with window and high row passengers first, to reduce how many people step on each other's toes.  Due to bag checking fees, it's incredibly competitive to get on the plane first to procure an overhead bin, which is why a low seating section number is crucial.

Kids

Don't fly with kids.  Ever.  The only possible benefit, is from using the smallest of them as an excuse to board the flight first to 'get situated,' and steal precious overhead compartment space.  Also, pack a stick of gum for them to chew to counter-act ear popping.

Seriously?

Seriously.  Ditch the kids and fly out for dinner.  Maybe we'll cross paths at the Admiral's club.