A Dash Of Stash

Lazy Sunday

2010-08-29T21:33:45Z

I'm in the middle of a travel triangle between Richmond, Kansas City, and LA for work. Every now and then I get to come back Chicago to shower, and nourish my soul with the city's wonderful cuisine. When it comes to cooking, I'm having problems figuring out what to make, because I don't want to waste my one chance at home cooking on something that could be bad. And I'm scatterbrained from never knowing what time it is.

Lucky for me, a new farmer's market, the Glenwood Sunday Market, opened about 50m from my front door. If this doesn't get me cooking, nothing will.

I decide to make tonight's dinner purely from market items, so I can be a good locavore before I spend the rest of the week being exactly the opposite. After a stroll down the street, I realize that it's too early to think. I've been craving a BLT sandwich, so I decide to make something along those lines.

Growing up, BLTs were a highly coveted summertime special. Even though we used microwaved pre-sliced bacon bought from a big box store, we heightened the experience with thick sliced, juicy backyard tomatoes--usually beefsteak. Those giant red orbs that overran our backyard is how I think of tomatoes, and how they should taste. Seeing piles of nondescript heirlooms at the market made me reminisce of our past bounties, and set this dish into motion.

After picking up a sourdough loaf from Bennison's Bakery, I visit King Hill's Farm for my precious tomatoes. At the King Hill's Farm stand, I discover their stash of duck eggs. I know there is no E in BLT, but these are delicious, and I need a condiment to compensate for my anti-mayo ways. A runny yolk would be even better, and is kinda sorta half of what mayo is anyway.

I find lettuce to be frivolous. It's mostly water, has no flavor, no nutrition, and marginal texture at best. This leaves me stuck with a T sandwich at the moment.

I find my B, in the form of a brat (close enough), from Crafthouse Market Goods. An unknown hero to me in the world of pork, this upstart has no front door, and travels the city offering their wonderful sausages. I discover that their 'pirate-wurst' is fresh linguica in disguise, so I take a couple along with the 'bratwieler,' and their country pate, which are rarely available due to high demand. As long as they keep selling by my front door, they will stay in business.

I get home about 30 seconds later, and rip all of my packages open like Ralphie on Christmas morning. All I need from the pantry is salt, and duck fat to fry the duck eggs, and make the best possible toast for my sandwich.

After a quick cut, the sourdough gets lathered in duck fat and thrown on my grill pan. The pirate-wurst goes in a saute pan, the heirloom tomato gets sliced and salted, and I preheat my non-stick skillet for sunny-side up duck eggs.

After cracking the first egg, I find the yolk to be pleasantly enormous. While it carefully frys, I take my bread off the grillpan, and build my open-faced sandwich. Duck fat toast gets a mountain of spicy pirate-wurst sausage, and then mounted with a thick sliced of tomato. Then I carefully slide the fried duck egg on top of the mountain, not daring to disturb the bountiful yolk.

I carefully lift the sandwich to my mouth, then rip in like a raptor. The warm, rich duck yolk splashes on my face, then drips down my hands and onto my shirt, while some makes it back to the plate. The tomato is cool, juicy and refreshing, even though it slides off the pile for further mess. The spicy, pirate-wurst stands ground (mostly), and basks in golden sea of yolk. Life, does not suck.

"Best New Restaurant"

2010-08-22T15:57:56Z

It's Thursday night and I've got my usual seat in the sixth row. The drinks aren't great, but they're strong enough to get the job done. It helps being at a high altitude, and the first one is always free. The joint is rough, but is gradually taking steps in the right direction. Last week's entertainment was Miley Cyrus. This week is Queen Latifah. Slowly, and gradually.

As the lady in blue approaches, I feel a rumble downstairs. I'm hungry, but have never eaten here. The menu is nothing but boring sandwiches and uninspired wraps optionally accompanied with pedestrian cheese plates of cheddar, monterey and bleu. Could be a rough night.

I hear the lady in blue taking the order from the group in front of me, and note that they're out of red. I didn't think it was possible for Redwood Creek to run dry. Better not be any shortages of their tolerable stock.

My mind races between thoughts of cold turkey and the 'Chocolove' chocolate bar. In my panic I go exotic, and utter Thai Chicken Wrap. At least my waist line will thank me. The 'Thai sesame aioli mayo sauce' (with a hint of lemongrass) is served on the side. What does that even mean? The name is a bit redundant, and terrifying--I never trust orange stuff out of a tube.

Each tortilla wrapped bite is full of vegetatious crunch--suitable for any rabbit. The cold chicken sneaks in protein occasionally, but it's hard to find. I get the meal over with quickly to not drag out the pain, but my mouth is dry like a desert. The lady in blue rarely comes back for refills, and she gave me more ice than water in my short glass. Looks like there is still more crunching ahead of me.

I chokingly finish before the first act starts. Looking out the window I know I'm going to be stuck here for another three hours. Going to go with plan B, which actually happens more often than plan A. I put my headphones on, and close my eyes.

Hog Butchering

2010-08-18T05:17:19Z

This week I will continue the video streak by posting Rob Levitt's whole hog butchering demo. I've taken many of his classes, and am a better person for it. The same result can be said for eating at his restaurant, Mado. If you're not in Chicago, watching this video is a good start to atonement.

Been Caught Stealing

2010-08-08T21:36:31Z

Tati's Chocolate Chip Cookies (halved in video):

2.5 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1.5 sticks unsalted butter, melted
1 cup dark brown sugar, firmly packed
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 lg eggs
2 tsp good vanilla
10 oz bittersweet chocolate cut into chunks or bittersweet chips

Preheat an oven to 350 Dg.
Whisk the flour, baking soda, and salt together.
In a seperate bowl, whisk the butter and sugars together.
Whisk in eggs, one at a time, in the butter/sugar bowl. Then add vanilla.
Add the dry ingredients to the wet.
Fold in the chocolate chips and nuts if any.
Using a 1/4 cup measure, place the dough on the lined baking sheet.
Bake for 15-18 minutes, switching the pan positions halfway through for even baking.
Cool completely on the baking sheet. The center of the cookies should be soft and puffy.
Devour.

A Hot Red Mess

2010-08-03T04:35:00Z

For a long time, I've wanted to experiment with saurkraut-laden Polish dishes and use a different cabbage preparation, kimchi. The problem is, these dishes are already perfect as they are, and I don't want to offend various family members. Most saurkraut dishes also involve kielbasa, which is a very distinct flavored sausage. Kielbasa shines in a sea of saurkraut, or mass of white starch. Kielbasa isn't meant for flavor competition.

My first attempt for experimentation is with a classic dish that I showcased last year after an infuriating episode of Next Food Network Star. It's something I grew up with; a soul-warming combination of kielbasa stewed in a pot of saurkraut, apples, and potatoes. This time, I decide to use chicken legs instead of kielbasa, throw in an asian pear, and substitute kimchi for saurkraut.

Based on True Stories

2010-07-28T16:00:50Z

After years of pressure, Hugh Jackman finally snaps. "I don't want to do Oklahoma! again," Hugh proclaims. "No more Comic Con, penguin voice overs, or incomprehensible movies with Rachel Weisz." He tells his agent he's done, and isolates himself from the world on a small Polynesian island. Too tired to maintain his perfect Wolverine body, he quits exercising, and rekindles his love for his favorite chip 'n dip combination, spicy pork rinds with melty rocky road ice cream.

After a year of self destruction, Hugh realizes that X-Men Origins: Wolverine didn't bring in as much money as he thought. If only computer graphics weren't mistaken for story structure, things could have been different. Realizing he needs to work, Hugh reaches out to his agent.

"Hugh!" the agent shouts, "Where have you been? X-Men Origins: Wolverine 2 has been announced for a late 2011 release." "Great!" Hugh replies, but his excitement for the new film vanishes when he realizes that he is incapable of being in a movie where his shirt doesn't come off. The last year hasn't been kind to his chiseled chest, and he has to deliver what the fans want for a successful comeback. Hugh tells the agent, "I need two months to become Wolverine-ready. I will return then."

Running low on funds, Hugh decides to embark on a cheap, lean, high protein soy diet to propel him through his two month transformation. Tofu scrambles for breakfast, tofu shakes for lunch, roasted soy beans for snacks, grilled tofu satays for dinner, and a light tofu cheesecake for reward becomes his mantra. Before long, Hugh notices a change in his physique.

Not only does he start losing weight, but body hair as well. His manly beard wavers on his strong jaw. Even his legs and arms become as hairless as an Olympic swimmer ready for gold. Worst of all, the great lion mane on his chest begins to wane--but at least he's dropping that rocky road weight. "If Sean Connery could have hair glued on, then so can I," Hugh tells himself confidently in the mirror. Unfortunately for Hugh, the soy diet still has more plans for People's 2008 Sexiest Man Alive.

A month later, Hugh doesn't find the expected morning boxer tent. As great as it is that he can start his push-up routine earlier than usual, a break in a 41 year routine is a bit disconcerning. Luckily, the comeback is slated to be a PG-13 flick.

The morning of his flight back to the states, Hugh is terrified to see Robert Paulson in the mirror. "Egad--I'm supposed to be in the Wolverine sequel not Fight Club 2!" Hugh screams. What Hugh didn't account for in his diet, is how soy increases the estrogen to testosterone ratio in men. He now has a soy-induced case of gynecomastia, which will require an expensive reduction mammoplasty that he can no longer afford. Without the reduction mammoplasty, Hugh can no longer take his shirt off, which means he can no longer land any movie roles. Only penguin voice overs (maybe).

Only soy has the devastating power to rip all masculinity from someone of Hugh Jackman's caliber. If only Hugh Jackman didn't eat so much soy, we could all see X-Men Origins: Wolverine 2 next year, but somethings just aren't meant to be.

The Circle of Life

2010-07-24T20:54:39Z

One hot African morning in the grassy savanna, Zimba wakes with a life-changing idea. Hunting, strangling and ripping apart zebras and buffalo isn't nice. It's fricking cruel. "Perhaps, life would be better for everyone if we stuck to a vegan diet. Maybe we could all get along then," the young maneless beast thinks. "After all, plants don't scream or have cognitive thought--no harm in murdering them."

Energized from his epiphany, Zimba approaches his pride, but is intercepted by his carnivorous uncle, Scratch, who notices an intriguing air about Zimba. "Young cub, what excitement is it you bring this way to the pride?" Scrach inquires. "Uncle Scratch," Zimba says, "I've decided that it is wrong to eat other members of the animal kingdom. We must only feast on what grows from the ground."

Scratch is unsettled by this news. He knows that if Zimba starts eating plants, the ecosystem will be ruined. Zimba's gospel must be crushed before the cancerous idea can spread. Knowing the powers of Darwinism, Scratch smiles as he devises a plan to eliminate this threat to his prosperous pride.

"Young Zimba, I think turning to veganism is a brilliant idea! But the pride will never support it unless there is a solid scientific study done to see the effects of this lifestyle. Go out and live your life this way for a month. Then come back and tell us the results."

Easily deceived, Zimba happily agrees to Scratch's proposal, and immediately sets off on his survival journey. Scratch watches Zimba disappear into the bush, thinking about how much stronger the pride will be, having rid itself of the weakest genes.

Hungry, Zimba approaches a group of goats feasting on weeds. After affirming his dietary intentions, the goats welcome Zimba to their weeds. As bad as they are, Zimba chokes down the ragged bitter greens, thinking of the good he is doing for the world.

As time progresses, Zimba develops great stomach pains. In conjunction with his newly formed protein deficiency, and lack of fat-soluble vitamins, Zimba collapses. And loses control of his bowels. Entertained by this sight, the goat leader looms over young Zimba:

"Stupid Zimba. We goats have enzymes that you do not. We can eat this rough foliage and digest it easily, but since you cannot, the weeds never left your stomach. They then fermented, and filled your stomach with gas, which is why you just fertilized our greens. The only way for you to benefit nutritionally from that vegetation is to eat us goats, who are sustained from it normally."

But it's too late for Zimba, as he is too weak from protein deficiency to hunt again. And dies. Vultures salvage what they can of his corpse. Then the maggots get their turn. Finally mother earth takes the rest in and enrichens the soil, and Zimba completes his role in the circle of life.

Wild Cherry

2010-07-19T16:00:10Z

Cherries are in season now, paving the path for their stone fruit brethren. Even though they pair wonderfully with pork, I'm going to to use another protein, eggs, and construct clafoutis glory. Clafoutis is a classic French dessert, similar to a Dutch baby, but sweeter. When cherries aren't the fruit of choice, the dish's name changes to flaugnarde, which is excellent when made with plums, peachs, and pluots.

The first step is to flavor the cherries, in this case bing cherries, with booze. Traditionally the cherries are not pitted, but I'm vetoing extra crunch. Kirsch is a good cherry drowning agent, but I prefer a high quality amaretto. Once the cherries are deemed unconscious, the batter can be made.

Game On

2010-07-10T18:25:37Z

At my last visit to Green City Market, I decided to buy an elk roast and 'soup bones' to satisfy a chronic craving for game meat. When I came home, I inspected the elk bones package and found that I had been given two one-pound elk shanks ([veal] shanks are the same cut used for osso bucco). I checked the label to see if I had been given the wrong item, but I had not. Making a mere soup, as I originally intended, from these beautiful cuts would be a crime; for these bones were filled with marrow, and had rivers of fat running through the meat--an uncommon characteristic of elk. These shanks must be braised, and the marrow sucked from the bones.

No Tortillas

2010-06-20T16:00:00Z

This weekend was the 2nd Annual HOA BBQ for my complex. After last year's success, I had no choice but to go to the animal everyone else strayed from, and to make it awesome. I decided to braise pork shoulder in salsa verde, which isn't something I'd done previously, but think will work. Then after braising, I'd pull the shoulder for taco meat, and top with pickled red onions, and cotija cheese.

I already experimented with braising chicken thighs in salsa verde, and it turned out tasty, which is why I think using a superior animal should turn out satisfactory for my neighbors. The pork fat will richen the salsa/braising liquid, and any leftover will make a good dip for chips. Since I'm counting on fat to make the dish, I start by picking up a Berkshire's shoulder from Becker Lane Organic, who happens to attend every Green City Market.